


wish you hadn't lied

by behradtomaz



Category: DCU
Genre: But today is not that day, M/M, for all of like five seconds, there will come a day when john constantine is happy, theres some happiness but uh, yeah its just pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 05:07:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17277635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behradtomaz/pseuds/behradtomaz
Summary: "i won't die for you, allen."barry should've known that was bullshit.





	wish you hadn't lied

john was not the kind of man who would sacrifice himself to save someone else.

no matter how many times he had kissed that person, or held their hand, or given them actual, real smiles.

john constantine was not going to die for barry allen.

he thought it was only fair that the speedster knew that.

-

“i won’t die for you, allen.”

barry frowned, confused, and looked up from where he had been fiddling with his suit. “what?”

“if we get out there,” john said quietly, “and someone has to make the sacrifice play, it’s not gonna be me.”

barry frowned more, but slowly nodded and looked down again.

he didn’t know why that hurt as much as it did.

this was john, after all.  no matter what might have been going on between them, he really shouldn’t have expected anything else, and he knew it.

looking back later, barry wished john had been telling the truth.

-

there were no pauses in the battle, but time froze for john.

a spell was cast, he heard its buzz, and then he saw its target.

barry.

he knew the curse couldn’t be dodged, knew that barry couldn’t run from it forever.

and he could do something about it. he knew he could.

but would he?

was he really worth dying for?

-

_barry clapped john on the back post-mission, smiling at him in a way it felt like no one had in ages. “nice work out there, man,” he said. “you did great. better at working with a team than you thought, huh?”_

_john rolled his eyes, shrugged off barry’s hand. “don’t get used to it, love. i don’t plan on working with the league again.”_

_“why not? c’mon, we make a great team!”_

_“too much spandex and idiocy to handle.”_

_barry chuckled. “just think about it, man. you might like working with us more than you’d think.”_

_“not bloody likely, sweetheart.”_

-

_“hey there, hot stuff,” barry said with a wink, before cracking and starting to laugh at himself._

_john couldn’t help but smile a little at him, soft and amused. “hello, love.”_

_“d’you call everyone that?”_

_yes, yes he did. but john wasn’t going to say that. “nah, you’re special.”_

_“liar.”_

_“always. though you are special.”_

_“…really?”_

_“’course, love.”_

-

_“that was…unfairly hot.”_

_barry blushed bright red, looking down. “t-thanks.”_

_“i really do mean it, love.” john took a step closer to him, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, giving him plenty of time to pull away with he wanted to. “you’re stunning.”_

_barry hesitated, glancing at john’s lips, and then leaned up, and kissed him._

-

_john pressed a kiss to barry’s forehead, and said, “get some rest, barry.”_

_barry smiled tiredly at him. “alright, alright. i love you.”_

_and with that, he sped away, before john even had the chance to respond._

_he wasn’t sure if he would have, anyways._

_(he would have. he would have said it a million times in every language he could, for as long as barry wanted to hear it. he just didn’t quite know it yet.)_

-

_“you’re a good man, john.”_

_john barked out a laugh, took a drag from his cigarette. “far from it, actually.”_

_“but you’re a hero,” barry insisted. “you save people.”_

_“no. i get them killed.”_

_“you can’t protect every-“_

_“i got a little girl dragged to hell, allen. and i’m damned for it. if you want a fucking hero, find someone else.”_

_barry winced, but didn’t move away from john, looking him in the eyes. “i don’t want anyone else. i want you.”_

_john pushed down the warm feeling he got at the other man’s words, and instead said bluntly, “then don’t expect heroics.”_

-

he was worth dying for.

of course barry was fucking worth dying for.

barry was good, something brilliant and pure in the midst of madness, and he even made john good, if only for seconds at a time, fleeting moments of glory.

a world without him in it didn’t seem to be one john would like very much.

he stepped in front of the curse, making a spell of his own as he went, redirecting the deadly magic onto himself.

there was a flash of red, a searing pain, and, before he could do anything else, john constantine was down on the ground.

he was going to die now, he knew. again.

it fucking terrified him.

barry was kneeling beside him, but his words sounded like they were coming from a million miles away, and john was so scared, so _alone_.

this was the real death, the blood and the dirt and the loss, the raw emotion. not the lack of pulse and the empty eyes.

-

his spirit stood, leaving his body behind, and john saw the devil, proud and smug.

here to claim his prize.

that was only because he was stupid enough to think that _john fucking constantine_ would be coming quietly.

-

barry grabbed onto john’s coat, shaking him, begging him to just _wake up, you asshole, you said you wouldn’t do this, just wake up._

this couldn’t be happening. it couldn’t be. he’d close his eyes, and when he’d open them, he’d be waking up in his bed, and john would be in the kitchen, humming something by the sex pistols and making breakfast.

barry squeezed his eyes shut.

when he opened them, john was still on the ground.


End file.
